Goodbye Space Man

Neil Armstrong (August 5, 1930 – August 25, 2012)

The surgery was relatively easy to go through and endure. My wound has healed quickly from the surgery, but the nerves have not healed much. It is going to take a long time to become “normal” or at least as close to normal as possible. It could take a year or two. I am fine with it because I was expecting a lot worse and made myself ready for it, but people around me are surprised when I remind them of where my body is and what to expect from it. I am also not quite the same person. I think I have become more irritable and separated because of the experiences and the my inabilities. I am trying very hard to fit back in. People (my family included) are used to normal surgeries where things are well healed in a few months. I have to continue to do PT like activity to keep my body mobile and able to function. I make it sound bad, but all of it surrounds my right leg and the lack of feeling on the right side of my body. I can get around on it and can drive but I cannot do any of those things or others as well as before. I think I severely underestimated the effect that the loss of certain motor functions and a little added tingling could have on my sense of well being. Oh, and the meds make me quite irritable and unable to tolerate any shit from anyone, force me to have zero short term memory and make me very sleepy all day. The surgery has really annoying from that aspect and has caused a lot of small, but consequential issues that are material to my quality of life and of those around me. These will get better with time, I am sure. It has thankfully not affected my work, at least from my perspective.

Other than that, I am shuffling between CLE and TOL once a week. I get to work from home one day a week, so I take Friday, leave for home at 6 AM and start work at Toledo at 8:30. It is easier for me to drive early in the morning than later on in the evening when my legs are tired and the nerves are jangling. I spend the rest of the weekend here and then head back to CLE mid afternoon on Sunday. We have found a house in Westlake next to the Rec center, and should have possession around the end of this month. We will still have to get some work done to the house and move in around the end of September-ish. I will then have to work on this house to get things cleaned up and moving. So a lot of work to be done and lots of people to still work through but excited about all of it nonetheless. Moving is such a pain!!

As for work, I love it so far. It is exciting and challenging at the same time. It is truly different to work for a company with so many people who have been with the company for so long. The corporate culture is strong but they know that they need to become more agile. I am constantly learning, plotting, planning and executing and my boss is with me 90% of the time. It is a great feeling to know that you might be able to make a big difference. “Maintenance” or Operations in Software Development is a very new concept and larger companies are not geared for the type of quick changes required and the dangers that be might be faced with such expectations. I am working on building new relationships here. We are hiring like crazy but trying to be respectful of the people we hire. Exciting times!

So it has been worthwhile, but it has cost more than I had budgeted for it. We are going to be happy in the end and thats what matters the most to me. I could not have seen this coming!

It made me feel a little better. I totally forgot to ask what Jennifer had asked me to ask them (about getting a new prescription) but I am hoping she can do it tomorrow.

In other news, I am trying on three new pairs of shoes, at different times. The Asics 2170, the New Balance 927 and the Brooks Beast. All from Zappos, thank you very much. I LOVE Zappos.

The 927 stood out instantly. They are comfortable to wear, ugly to look at and were my instant favorite. Then I tried the Asics, which I liked the feel and look of. After that I tried on the Brooks Beast. The Beast was the worst of the lot and I felt the pain that is common. The Asics has stood at the front of the line and I have been wearing them ever since. I will continue to break them in this week and next and we shall see at that point. I have a bunch of shoes to return and I will try to find the New Balances in Black from Toledo. The Asics are on my feet right now.

My dad went fishing again today and he sounded very happy. I was very happy that he was able to go out and enjoy himself. He needs to do that some more. When he got back home, he was missing Lucien and so he went out and played with him, which sounded like so much fun as well. I miss being home.

I wonder if I passed the ITIL test?

On another note, the electric shocks through my right leg to my right foot have increased over the past week or two. I am getting them all the time now, about 1-2 every couple of hours. They used to be 2 at a time. Now they are 2-3 at a time and stronger. I will be calling Ann (my nurse practitioner from Dr Edward Benzel’s office) tomorrow and talking with her about it. It might be related to Lyrica. I will know soon.

The stiffness generating from excitement or worry/anxiety is still there. It was strong this afternoon before the test I had to take at work. Still don’t know if I will pass it with my wooziness from the medication. A word of advice, if you are on this concoction, namely full dosage of Lyrica and Baclofen, don’t try any memory exercises!

Stop being a sleazeball. It is not becoming of a mature app or a mature system. Improve your product to attract customers and keep them.

Here is an idea, extend your Andriod Radio idea with a thumbs up and down on your desktop app so people like me, who prefer Pandora to Spotify, will actually pony up the dough to get your Premium Service.

When you do that (or better), and quite being a fucknut, will I switch!

For now, I am back to the drawing board and feeling like my feet are having the bends

I am taking the full dosage of Lyrica and the full dosage of Baclofen. They make me sleepy and drowsy at times. At other times, they have me shake and uneasy. I am almost always uncomfortable. This is either from the medication or because my body feels some sort of pain or electrical shock. I am irritable, very attentive to small changes in almost anything in my environment, and I am making everything miserable. I am sorry for all the sadness I am causing. Sounds depressing, but I am actually in pretty good spirits. I almost feel selfish and uncaring at times, which makes me very sad for the others in my life. But life has to go on and I have to make the best of what I have and carry on with everything.

The cramping feeling that I was complaining about has reduced to almost nothing, which is good. It was not comfortable at all when it used to happen. It made me feel like my leg was being held together with a tight and wide rubber band. I kept thinking it was like the bands used for physical therapy. But I really felt like my legs were being sucked into my body. My right leg mostly. I am really glad that this has reduced to nothing. If I am careful and don’t make things bad (I know what irritates the system) and if I take the medications on time, I can prevent this. I am thankful for this at least.

Now all I have left are tightness and tingly and burning sensation at times, along with the bends and loss of control of my leg and foot. The bends are horrible. I feel them mostly when I am driving. This is mostly when the Baclofen is starting to wear out. I have to take a pill often to maintain the levels. I also have a tightness that comes and goes in my right leg and the right side of my body. It makes me very itchy and very restless. Thankfully all the medication makes me very sleepy and I sleep like a baby. I do feel very tight and sore after I sleep.

I cannot wear any shoes besides the Merrell Barefoot Trail Glove. It has been a godsent and I really like the feel. I almost feel that IF I could run, I would go running in them. If I ever get better, I will try to go running. I did order a couple of other barefoot Merrell shoes to try them out. It is getting kind of strange to wear them to work with the orange around the edge. I know I could take a doctor’s note, but I am retarded enough. I just don’t want to make it worse.

I want to keep track of my complaints and how they rate on a scale of 10.

Cramping: 0-1
Tightness: 5-6
Electricity: 2-3
Soreness: 3-4
Pain in my right armpit: 2-3
Irritation: 6-7

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So Jennifer and I went to the Perrysburg mall to a shoe store called Second Sole or something like that. There was a really helpful salesman there called Zack who worked with me to find the shoe that would work for me. I had wanted to get something from the Vibram family because I liked the idea of barefoot walking/running. I was most interested in the Vibram Sprint and the KSOs because they looked the most attractive and seemed to be the best price. (REI has them for sale now, but that changes all the time). I have both of them in the Amazon link below if you are interested in looking through them.

(aff)

I could not get my feet through the Vibrams. Any of them for that matter. So if you have numbness in your feet, dont buy Vibrams. The Vibram Sprint might have worked better because they have a larger opening, but they were not available for me to try out. The sales person then suggested Merrell Trail Glove Barefoot Running Shoes. They were fantastic. Truly fit like a glove, instantly increased sensation in my feet a little and felt right. Now I am hoping that they continue to be as nice and I can use them in the future to walk around my motel in Westlake. Walking helps a lot and I hope they continue to be as helpful in the weeks and months to come. I am also looking forward to the upgrade that was promised to me by Mariott!

It turns out that I had a tumor called an hemangioblastoma insidemy spinal column (yes, inside the bundle of nerves ) . I startedhaving severe symptoms on the first day I started the new job. Just asluck would have it, of course. It is a benign type of tumor that has areasonably good prognosis and is the least likely to reoccur (knock on wood). They have removed most of it. The surgery was more complex thanthe doctors had originally anticipated. The four hour surgery actuallyended up taking over eight hours. Instead of the tumor “popping out” as the doctors had anticipated, it was completely vascularized and had to be scooped out, one smalllayer at a time. Since they were messing around in there for a longtime, they had to hook my whole body up to neural impulse generatorsand monitor the evoke potentials for each zone after every scoop. Oncethey started seeing loss of voltage across my right leg, they stoppedscooping and sewed me up. I did end up biting halfway through mytongue because my bite block slipped during one of the tests. I nowhave a huge laceration on my tongue, which is also healing well.

The surgery area hurts as expected, but that pain is going awayquickly. The score so far is that my left leg is about 20% numb and myright leg is about 50-60% numb (no feeling, limited movement).Recovery is about 1-2% per week. I am working on Physical Therapy andlots of walking with lots of pain meds. They are reducing the painmeds drastically but recovery will take a while still. I m going back to work next week. I will take the bus to work. Ican walk and take care of myself today, but am quite weak and Iquickly get tired when walking.

I hope all of you and your families are doing well. Please take care of yourselves. I am proof that we are all quite vulnerable.