68 days since surgery, not much better, numbness and irritation the same

Since not much has changed, I wanted to copy and paste an email that I wrote to a friend of mine from a previous place of employment. I thought it was quite succinct and explained how I felt at this time in my life. So here it is, as written.

 

The surgery was relatively easy to go through and endure. My wound has healed quickly from the surgery, but the nerves have not healed much. It is going to take a long time to become “normal” or at least as close to normal as possible. It could take a year or two. I am fine with it because I was expecting a lot worse and made myself ready for it, but people around me are surprised when I remind them of where my body is and what to expect from it. I am also not quite the same person. I think I have become more irritable and separated because of the experiences and the my inabilities. I am trying very hard to fit back in. People (my family included) are used to normal surgeries where things are well healed in a few months. I have to continue to do PT like activity to keep my body mobile and able to function. I make it sound bad, but all of it surrounds my right leg and the lack of feeling on the right side of my body. I can get around on it and can drive but I cannot do any of those things or others as well as before. I think I severely underestimated the effect that the loss of certain motor functions and a little added tingling could have on my sense of well being. Oh, and the meds make me quite irritable and unable to tolerate any shit from anyone, force me to have zero short term memory and make me very sleepy all day. The surgery has really annoying from that aspect and has caused a lot of small, but consequential issues that are material to my quality of life and of those around me. These will get better with time, I am sure. It has thankfully not affected my work, at least from my perspective.

Other than that, I am shuffling between CLE and TOL once a week. I get to work from home one day a week, so I take Friday, leave for home at 6 AM and start work at Toledo at 8:30. It is easier for me to drive early in the morning than later on in the evening when my legs are tired and the nerves are jangling. I spend the rest of the weekend here and then head back to CLE mid afternoon on Sunday. We have found a house in Westlake next to the Rec center, and should have possession around the end of this month. We will still have to get some work done to the house and move in around the end of September-ish. I will then have to work on this house to get things cleaned up and moving. So a lot of work to be done and lots of people to still work through but excited about all of it nonetheless. Moving is such a pain!! :P

As for work, I love it so far. It is exciting and challenging at the same time. It is truly different to work for a company with so many people who have been with the company for so long. The corporate culture is strong but they know that they need to become more agile. I am constantly learning, plotting, planning and executing and my boss is with me 90% of the time. It is a great feeling to know that you might be able to make a big difference. “Maintenance” or Operations in Software Development is a very new concept and larger companies are not geared for the type of quick changes required and the dangers that be might be faced with such expectations. I am working on building new relationships here. We are hiring like crazy but trying to be respectful of the people we hire. Exciting times!

So it has been worthwhile, but it has cost more than I had budgeted for it. We are going to be happy in the end and thats what matters the most to me. I could not have seen this coming!

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